School Anxiety
by Coraxxx
Summary: TW:anxiety, school phobia. / Ashley definitly can't go to school. / SAMxASHLEYxCHRIS friendship / bunch of ONE SHOT from when I need to write my feeling down / Take place before the prank, NO SPOILER.
1. Chapter 1

Why this one shot. My psychologist told me to write down what I feel about going to school. I did in my own term : trough a character. I love Until Dawn, I love Ashley, so yeah. I didn't played the game myself but I watched PewDiePie play it, and it was just awesome.

This story take place one or two years before the prank, and there isn't any spoiler.

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 **TW: anxiety, school phobia, self esteem issues.  
**

 **English isn't my first language, so sorry if they are any mistakes (I'm sure there will be). Sorry if Ashley seems a little bit OOC.**

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She was standing up, her backpack with her, looking at her school. Her brain wouldn't shut up. _What if... What if..._ What if nothing, said the reasonable part inside her, but she could barely hear the whisper above the screams of her anxiety.

She took a deep breath. The air got stuck in her throat. She was going to cry. It wasn't the moment, but the was feeling tears forming in her eyes. She couldn't believe she fell back into those fucking phobia. She already spent the last years battling against herself to go to school, she didn't want to do it again. Early September was easy, she went to class without any problem, so why was today any different? She didn't know. She didn't understand. She was hearing screaming inside her head but couldn't understand a word they said.

She needed to go back or she was going to throw up. She turned around, closed her eyes, took another deep breath : the smell of cigarettes reached her and the urge to throw up became even stronger. She would surely look crazy. But it was better to be seen running like a total retard than to empty her stomach right here in front of every one. She made sure her backpack was on her two shoulders, crossed the road and then started running without even knowing where she was going. She needed to be in class in five minutes. Screw it. She didn't do any of her homeworks anyway, spending the previous night watching her ceiling while lying in bed. It was better to not go to school at all than say that she didn't do anything. Right ?

She saw a dark alley between two building and went there without thinking about it. She took her backpack off her shoulders and threw it away before sitting down, her back against the wall. She felt like drowning when not even one tears had leaved her eyes. Oh man was she stupid. She couldn't think of anyone more stupid than her. Beeing afraid of going to class... She was ridiculous.

And it's not even like she had a reason to be afraid! Every students was adorable around her, understanding why she had difficulty making friends and speaking about everything and nothing. The only person who was mean to her, she didn't even see him anymore. He told her she didn't have any friends. That she was alone. Back then, she had Chris and Sam to proove her she wasn't. But know that she pushed them all away, afraid of being a burden only, she was starting to realize that this boy was maybe right. She sould have ripped his head off when she had the chance. And the teachers, they were so nice, accepting her homeworks when she gave them late, sending her emails with the lesson of the day when she couldn't make it to school.

So why was she there, sitting down in the dust, her knees stuck between her arms and a cry of deseperation stuck in her throat? She had no clue. She didn't understand anything.

She crawled to her backpack and held it against her before she took her phone. She needing to take her mind off her anxiety. She put her headphones on, pick the saddest song she have and put it at full volume before starting to play some kind of puzzle. She was singing softly while playing, without thinking of anything. She wasn't calm, far from it. But this littles balls going inside one another to become one on her screen allowed her to, at least, to not think of her teary eyes and shaking legs. Feeling her heart beating against her ribs inside her, she decided to chech her heart rate. She left the game for the timer and stuck her fingers againts her neck. 108 per minutes. Great, she was in tachycardia. Not that she wasn't used to. She just didn't know what could be the side effects. After all, she was _always_ in tachycardia.

It was 9:30. She went back to her puzzle. The tears had dissapeared, the screaming had quiet down, and the music breacking her earbuds didn't allowe her to tkink. Minutes went by without her noticing. Sometimes, the light inside the alley would dissapear, so she looked up to see a stranger walking in the street without noticing her. She then went right back at her game.

God, she was so tired.

Her phone buzzed and a message appeared on her screen.

" **SAM: where r u?"**

It was 10:00.

She looked at her phone, feeling the stress rushing back and her hands started shaking so hard that she dropped her phone. It slide on her backpack and fell to the floor, the screen still alight. She got dizzy, wanted to trhow up again, to cry again. She had needed one hour to calm down and all that was needed to push her back into her anxiety was a text and two seconds, if not less.

Her phone buzzed and hand acted on their own, picking up the device.

" **SAM: u alright? Chris worry too"**

It was 10:05.

She started playing again. It buzzed once more.

" **SAM: Ashley?"**

How could Sam still want to talk to her after all those days of silence was beyond her understanding. She lost count of all the text unanswered. But Sam always called her back, and she didn't know if it made her glad or sad. Sam and Chris had notice she wasn't there while they didn't have any class in common, and she didn't know if she should be happy or shamefull. She didn't even know what she was feeling anyway.

She spent so much time looking at her screen without doing anything that it turned off, and it didn't do it before five minutes of inactivity. It buzzed and the screen lit up.

" **SAM: turn your gps on, i'm coming."**

She didn't want to sse her but she didn't want to be alone either, so before she could change her mind, she put the gps of her phone on et went back to her game. Ten minutes after, Sam arrived at the alley where she was sitting, and even without the light of her phone that she turned off so Sam couldn't see her, her friend – was she her friend?- saw her and went to sit back next to her.

Nobody was speaking for five minutes or so, Ashley playing her game to avoid the blond gaze.

" **Ashley?"** Finally said Sam.

Ashley didn't even take her eyes off her games, just taking her headphones in her hand so she could hear.

" **Yes?**

 **\- You're okay?"**

She wanted to take Sam in her arms while fleeing this life she couldn't even escape. How much easy would it be if she took all those pills that day, instead of letting the box close. She shouldn't have read the notice. Then, she wouldn't have been afraid, and this last year of a hell wouldn't have existed. Everything would be so much easier if she wasn't there. If she was dead.

" **Just tired."**

No need to know her to see trough the lie – or at least, it wasn't all the truth. Yes she was tired, but it was not why she wasn't able to control her shaking body.

" **Sure?"**

Ashley wanted to say yes. But the word got stuck in her throat and tears started to run down her cheeks. Firt one, then two, then ten... Sam took her in her arm, stroking her hair softly.

" **I know. I know..."** Sam said again and again, not needing Ashley to say a word.

After some minutes, Ashley withdrew herself from the embrace, wipping the tears away with her hand.

" **Sorry, I force you to skip class.**

 **\- Screw school Ash, it's not because I miss one class that it will changed the rest of my life."**

Ashley didn't believe her at all. Sure, Sam felt forced to comfort her, for a reason or another. If not, why would she be here, in this dark a dirty alley?

" **Can you explain what's wrong?**

 **\- I don't know."**

And she wasn't lying, far from it. She was just lost in her own mind.

" **It's just that... There's so much voices in my head screaming all at once, and I start shaking, and I feel like my heart is gonna explode, and I can't breath, and..."**

She took a deep breath, taking her beanie off with a shaking hand. It was so hot outside. Or maybe she was cold.

" **What are they saying, the voices?"** Sam asked calmly.

" **They're screaming. I can't tell. They all speaking at the same time. Only screaming.**

 **\- Maybe they are talking … Talking about your classmates ?**

 **\- The ones I never said a word too ? I already know they think I'm crazy, I don't need a voice in my head to say it to me.**

 **\- Listen Ashley..."** Sam said while taking her chin between her finger to force Ashley to look at her. **"You're not stupid. You are anxious.**

 **\- What's the difference...**

 **\- The difference is that you don't choose to be anxious while you decide if you stay stupid or not. Fears are far more difficult to overcome than stupidity."**

She wasn't conviced. Far from it. But Sam knew it would take some time for Ashley to believe her. She just needed to be there to say it to her every time she needed it.

" **Come on."** Sam told her while standing her, taking Ashley's backpack in her hand. **"I'm gonna walk you to your class."**

Ashley picked her phone, stood up and took her backpack from Sam firmer than she intended to. She didn't even have it in her to apologize. Maybe if she didn't, maybe if she was a bitch, then Sam would abandon her, like everyone else. It was for the best after all.

She started walking toward the school without waiting for the blond, her legs feeling like jelly and her eyes full of tears whe wasn't going to let fall anymore. She was drowning. Imploding.

Sam caught up with her like Ashley wasn't just ignoring her, and the hand that she slipped in Ashley's one helped the girl to breath again.

" **I love you, you know?**

 **\- I know.**

 **\- Everything is gonna be just fine."**

 _Everything is going to be just fine_ , echoed the little voice inside her head, louder than the other for only some short seconds. She didn't believe a word it said.


	2. Chapter 2

I needed to write this because YES, I too had a zero in math today. Only I don't have some awesome friends to help me out with it.

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Ashley was in tears when she got out of her class. Sam had succed at calming her down, all for nothing. The blond was waiting for her friends outside of her class, but Ashley didn't see her with the tears clouding her vision.

" **Ash! Ashley!"**

The red haired took a look behind her to see Sam, concerne etched across her face.

" **Ash, you okay?"**

The girl just shook her head right to left, more tears spilling. The other students were either looking at her with concerned or laughing at her.

" **Go suck an egg!"** Sam yelled at one of them, and it made Ashley smile for that was what she always say.

" **Here, follow me."**

Sam led the way to the bathroom, making sure it wa empty before closing the door behind them. She let Ashley washed her face in peace before starting with the questions.

" **What's wrong?**

 **\- I just got my first zero, here what's wrong.**

 **\- What… How?**

 **\- Didn't do my math homework. Got a zero. End of the story.**

 **\- End of the sory my ass!"**

Sam stormed out of the bathroom, leaving a puzzled Ashley behind her.

" **Sam?**

 **\- This stupid bastard."**

Ashley followed Sam in the corridor, bumping into Chris in the way.

" **Ash! I'm late, I was gonna check on … Are you okay?"**

He had notice the dry tears on her face, but Ashley was too busy following Sam to answer, so she just took Chris' hand in her own and ran to the blond.

" **Sam, where the hell are you going?"**

When they both reached Sam, she was entering Ashley's math class.

" **What the..."** muttured Chris under his breath. Sam had just send him a text saying she had found Ashley and bring her to class, stating that she was going to fill in the blanck during lunch. He was beyond lost.

Ashley entered the class, Chris following her. Sam was waiting for them and closed the door behind them, then glancing toward a puzzled teachers.

" **You gave her a zero?"**

The teachers just looked at her like she was in the wrong class, facing the wrong professor.

" **I'm sorry, I don't understand.**

 **\- She have school anxiety. That's why she didn't make her homework.**

 **\- Listen, miss. I can't take her works late when every other student have to hand it to me in time.**

 **\- What don't you freacking understand in "school anxiety"?"**

Ashley reached for Sam hand, but the blond wasn't going to hear it.

" **She have a mental illness."**

Chris, finally understanding what to fuss was all about, stepped in.

" **Sir, you wouldn't expect a student with a broken leg to run. So why do you expect a student with school anxiety to be just like the ones who don't have any problem?**

 **\- I hear you, you two. But it's the school rules. If a student don't hand their homeworks in time, they get a zero. Now if you'll excuse me."**

The teacher took his bag and leaved the class, leaving a furious Sam and a clearly pissed Chris behind him.

" **Guys, it's okay, it's just one zero."**

Sam was going to argue again, but one look at Ashley changed her mind. It wouldn't help her friends.

" **Okay. Okay..."**

She smiled at Ashley, and the red haired smiled right back at her.

" **Lunch time!"** said Chris after their little eyes talk, and the girls followed the dancing man to the cafeteria.

Ashley was truly blessed to have him in her life. Him and Sam. Both of her friends were their best self, and she couldn't ask more from them.

The zero already forgotten, she just shook her hand when she saw Sam joining Chris in his little happy dance.


End file.
